The day has come, drum roll please, Molly developed an attention span!

{Applause inserted here.}

She can play without a companion for about 20-30 minutes. Mid-afternoon has become a time for dolls, littlest pet shop, and other rainbow-colored shenanigans.

I am often right next to her as she plays. For real, I could play next to her for hours but somehow I grew up. Dinner and responsibilities cut in and I can only give her short bursts of playtime. Which is good, I guess, but I’d rather play than just about anything. Except snacking and napping. Am I a kid or what?

Molly playing with my dolls from childhood

Molly aka Rainbow Brite

Molly feeding her doll

Love,

Jess

The word HOME is defined, as the place in which one’s domestic affections are centered (online dictionary). The blaring difference between a house and home, it seems, must be affection.

I can clean, cook and entertain all-the-live-long day but if I do them without love, I do them in vain. I have a long list of domestic affairs. Yet, do I have a centered view of my domestic affections?

Can I even be relaxed enough at home until my  to-do list is done? Yes, I know I can. Can I be centered in my affections, not losing focus? Yes, I know I can.

I can because in the process of building my nest I see God’s hand weaving yarn and twigs with me.

I find home is in the valleys, like failed dinners, missed connections, and yet-to-finish projects. I find home is in the hillsides, like laughing until milk comes out of your nose, creating something with your talents, and helping each other through the valleys.

Here are some photos of things that make my nest feel like home:

Dating - Goofing off on the patio of Noodles & Co. - 9th Anniversary

Entertaining - Ryan's 5 1/2 year old birthday party.

Traditions - s'mores every summer, all summer

Schedules - making time for what matters most (on the fridge)

Root Building - sharing lives and space (Ryan and Leah)

Tending to my domestic affections, gives me a chance to experience a deep sense of gratitude.

What makes your nest feel like home?

Love,

Jess

“Nesting” brings to mind a period of preparation before a time of need or expectancy.

Molly at the Zoo

Envision a typical nester.

• A newlywed filling a new wedding-gift vase with flowers from her first garden.
• A pregnant lady folding and refolding tiny, freshly washed baby tee-shirts and stacks of cloth diapers.
• A business woman saving her precious funds for the future.
• Veteran housewives refining their home decor to create a sanctuary for their family.

What result does nesting show? Does a house magically turn into a home? Does a life automatically become a legacy? Something lies beyond the housewares and diapers. Curtains and bean counting can only go so far.

So here I am setting up my nest, searching for what will make my house a home and my life a legacy.

Love,

Jess

A stone’s throw away from my new house lie acres of  farms and one small town. The town has art, rusty cars and a tiny library. The farms have cows and  cow smells, oh, and lots of rows of corn. The kids think we moved to the country when really it’s just farms being swallowed by suburbia.

Did I mention going to a “Corn Drive-Thru” last week? Not even kidding. We drove up to buy a 12 ears of corn thru the window of the mini-van. So, funny and yummy.

Pretty landscape on my drive

I had a chance to partake in the small town vibe recently. No kids, husband, and agenda. Just me, warm breeze, and my camera.

I drove a stretch of 2-lane roads which landed me in downtown on main street. Rough-patch boards lined several historical buildings hinting at their thriving past. Welcoming retail shops and services seemed to be growing strong here and there, in the summer’s heat. Store stoops boomed with conversations between passers-by.  Even I chatted-it-up with the owners of the new “vintage” store that opened  in town this summer. She knew and loved the style and work of the Shabby Mamas! High Five!

i love old doorknobs, don't you?

During sunset I strolled looking in window-fronts.  I happened upon a trendy/humble/cool/owner-operated/semi-local made ice cream shop, so I checked it out.[read: saw ice cream sign and ran across the main street to get in line so fast even the cows did a double take.]

I ordered the most delicious flavor. Mint julip flavoring, grasshopper cookies, and chocolate here and there with more minty ice-cream. I was so excited my mouth literally watered a little bit as I waited for the cone to be crafted.

My hand reached out to grab the completed ice cream cone. Then the sign above the cash drawer met my eyes. It said no credit cards. What?  Clearly, I miss read. Nope, there I stood with my hand out, not taking the cone mind you,  just standing there without checks or cash.

My previously-watering mouth hanging o-p-e-n and a heartbeat of now-what-have-I-done pounding in my mind.

And just like that, he waved his hand the cone was mine. “Aw, just come back around when you can,” he beamed as I fumbled to say thank you. He wasn’t a flirt, he wasn’t a lazy cheat. He was really just a trendy/humble/cool owner of a semi-local made ice cream shop with a good sense of customer service. Now that’s a business worth coming back to…with my husband and 4 kids. Yeah, that guy just made a lot of money down the line.

Cheers for small towns, vintage markets, ice cream cones, and people who rock!

-Jess

I hear a common reaction about my stay-at-home gig.

“How can you do it? You’re so brave!”

Brave, really? I think I’ll keep bravery to describe soldiers or missionaries. Although, tackling diaper changes needs bravery now and then.

I’d classify my characteristic as “willing”.

As far as, “How can I do it?”  My gut response is,

“With all the irresistible fleeting moments to treasure, how can I not?”

Snowflake catching

Card games

Building blocks

Cars & PJs

Books outside in the shade

Constant Shadow whether you like it or not

I am the last one to say that “staying home” full time is perfect.

My kids can be loud and messy. I can be crabby and less-than-brave.

But, all those irresistible moments with my little ones, stick to me like glue.

Love,

Jess

Claire and Leah on our front steps of the new house.

Claire (purple) and Leah (pink) exploring the kiddie pool at a friends' house.

Claire (purple) and Leah (pink) playing in the sprinkler.

Having fun,

Jess

My kitchen window sill in the new house.

When the house is still,

Morning light greets my kitchen window sill.

It passes by the cupboard door,

Pressing a glare onto the floor.

Coffee brews with a whooshing-tink,

While I posture my thoughts at the sink.

When the house is alive,

I work hard  just to survive.

Endless clean socks to fold,

Four children ‘never-guilty’ to scold.

I protect, push and pray in each exchange,

Hoping for sad hearts to rearrange.

When the sun shifts with predictable ease,

Afternoon rays pour between the trees.

Shaded hours pass by in gusty whirls,

I dream and dance with my 1 boy and 3 girls.

As the sunset flees across the rooftop,

I kiss my husband – he makes my heart drop.

-jess

Leah Rose, born the youngest of my twins, is my forth child.

Leah warming-up in her Isolette box in the NICU.

Leah was breach pretty much the whole pregnancy, so her sweet little head spent a great deal of time under my ribs. She was born at 36 weeks at 5 lbs. 5oz. via c-section. She spent 8 days at the Hospital in the Natal Intensive Care Unit. She needed oxygen for the first day or two to help her breath more easily. She fought hard to catch-up to her birth weight. She had a liking for the premie pacifier, which was great because I took a long time to get down to the NICU to breastfeed her in her room. (My Hospital room was across the building from Leah and Claire.) We had to weigh her before and after a feeding and weigh each soiled diaper to monitor her milk intake. She had part-time bottles via feeding tube to help get the calories she needed in her tummy! I pumped a lot during the first few weeks.

Ryan holding Leah for a bottle feeding.

Everyone pitched in to help take care of things before and after Leah and her sister were born. (I had been on partial bed-rest for about a month before I delivered.) Meals came when we needed them the most and loving friends and family took care of my preschoolers when I was unable to attend to them. There were a lot of reasons to be grateful. I can say without a doubt I know what it is like to be ‘held’ by God’s Grace. There was no time to worry, just to hold babies and sigh with joy.

Leah in the baby swing at the "far park" by our townhouse.

As Leah grew she blossomed into a little sweet pea that liked to eat. She loved goldfish crackers, whole milk, apple slices and chicken.  I remember loading the dishwasher, each night, with a “top rack only” load, to keep up the flow of clean bottles and formula pitchers. We bought diapers and formula by the truck load. And we washed clothes and blankets like we ran a laundr-O-mat.

Leah's 1st Birthday Cake Face

Leah turned One!  She watched the “big kids” play outside and identified FUN right away. Leah honed her dare-devil spunk and took to the driveway with her pink motorcycle push-toy. It didn’t stop there. She climbed, pushed or tackled anything that looked adrenaline inducing. Much in her big sister Molly’s footsteps.

Leah, in CJ's coat, at her first Easter Egg Hunt. (Grammy Lu's house)

Her expressive nature became a defining quality.  The coy tilt of her head and the gentle sweep of her lip, took even the toughest adults to their knees. At times, she took on the roll as “youngest” as she used her cries and smiles to try and get all the attention, toys, and cuddles from her siblings.

Leah "sitting" in the fridge at the new house.

Her passion for life is unhidden. Her eyes are as adorable as her spirit is clever. She takes a great deal of effort to steal her Taggie during the day so she can suck her thumb, wrinkle her nose at me and RUN!

I call her Lea-Lu. She calls me Mommy.

Love,

Jess

Born the eldest of the my twins, she is my third child.

Claire in the NICU

Born 5 lbs. 12 oz. at 36 weeks via c-section. She spent 8 days in the Natal Intensive Care Unit after birth. She was healthy but too early, so she needed a little help eating and staying warm. We couldn’t have visitors for the whole week because the H1N1 virus had just spread over the community forcing the NICU to only open its doors to necessary visitors, like us. It was hard to have my family and friends excluded from the experience, so we took a lot of photos to share on facebook. She had tubes to help feed her and an Isolette box to keep her warm. The nurses helped feed her while I painfully recovered from surgery back in my room. I came to the NICU as I could but I didn’t see her as much I’d expected to in the first few days. But, we tried as hard as we could to be in the room with her to change her premie diapers and take her temperature. I was so happy to see my “baby a” in person.

Molly at home with Claire (Me nursing Leah in the background)

Home life with Claire was cozy. Two small pack and plays were set-up next to my bed for the twins. I kept Claire and her sister on the same schedule of sleeping and feeding, most of the time. I stayed in my room taking care of the twins for 2 months. I am not sure where Peter slept or what happened to my other kids during that time. I was in a cocoon I guess.

Claire in her car seat

And out the cocoon, popped a bright-eyed healthy baby ready to go-go-go! I swear, Claire taught herself to crawl just so she could dump out the basket of DVDs and reach in to the dishwasher. She sucked her thumb at night with her taggie and eventually made it to the “big crib” in the kids’ bedroom.

Claire's 1st Birthday Cake Face

Claire was a good napper. She took two naps a day at 2 hours a pop. This gave me a much needed break in the day from all the toddler action. Claire loved sweets, peas, cottage cheese, bread and Crazy Bread. I took her to MOPS at local church twice a month.

Claire's first Easter Egg Hunt (in Leah's coat)

With time came confidence. CJ loved brushing her own teeth at bedtime, climbing into her own booster seat in the kitchen, and riding her own push car in the driveway.

Putting her 'feet up' at the beach

Her eyes are as bold as her will is strong. Her heart is not satisfied to conform, but seeks a humble uniqueness. She engages the World with a cautious spirit. She shows ownership in her blanket and taggie lovey and love to her dolls. She likes to set things in motion in her own way.

I call her CJ. She calls me Mom.

Love,

Jess

As 2011 rang in, I made my One Word Resolution to Remember.

The Big Blur just hit me and it hit hard. Twin Parenting literature claims up to the first 2 years with multiples can be labeled The Big Blur. I am feeling teary-eyed over every hurdle in my day. It’s like I went to sleep in 2009 and just woke up to today. I don’t remember when the babies learned to walk or what they first had to eat.

I know we had fun, I was present in the everyday. I know I had tons of love for them on every level. But, yet I freaked out when I can’t place certain seasons of their life, or my life for that matter. I can’t even look at the photos from the NICU in the hospital without choking up to the point of serious swelling of the throat. I just flip over the photo for fear of an ‘ugly’ cry consuming my entire afternoon. You know the kind that causes headaches and feverish mascara streaks?  Yep. Feverish.

In a campaign to help me stitch together the last year or so, I will be going serious photo hunting and posting about things that happened. Just a few things that may help me heal.

Remember, what a powerful word.

Love,

Jess