Opportunities for

Concentration to

Understand

Something

-Jess @ Just aBlink

I don’t often have time to think. Sounds dumb, but it’s true. Spending time in a good ‘think’ to remember where I’ve been and where I am going is a wonderful blessing.

Much of my attention while raising little ones is focused on the who, when and what aspects of my life.

Who is crying? Who is your new friend? Who is going to fuss up!?

When will you be home from work? When will we be able to buy a new couch? When is it bedtime?

What is for dinner? What is in your hair? What could possibly explain the profound silence in the playroom?

Attention for the deeper understanding of why and how comes only when I find time to concentrate and understand something about myself or God or the World.

Why do I care if my kids express sibling-friendships? Why do I value marriage? Why do I so easily see the faults of my kids when really they are reflections of my own inadequacies?

How can I instill a hope in things unseen to my little ones? How can I express more gratitude? How can I possibly carry on when my shoulders are too heavy to lift?

So even when time is short, my brain is on mac-n-cheese-xbox-dirty sock-sippy cup overload, and my calendar shows it is time to do it all over again tomorrow…

I focus.

Love,

Jess

My kitchen window sill in the new house.

When the house is still,

Morning light greets my kitchen window sill.

It passes by the cupboard door,

Pressing a glare onto the floor.

Coffee brews with a whooshing-tink,

While I posture my thoughts at the sink.

When the house is alive,

I work hard  just to survive.

Endless clean socks to fold,

Four children ‘never-guilty’ to scold.

I protect, push and pray in each exchange,

Hoping for sad hearts to rearrange.

When the sun shifts with predictable ease,

Afternoon rays pour between the trees.

Shaded hours pass by in gusty whirls,

I dream and dance with my 1 boy and 3 girls.

As the sunset flees across the rooftop,

I kiss my husband – he makes my heart drop.

-jess

Claire in the NICU

Born 5 lbs. 12 oz. at 36 weeks via c-section. She spent 8 days in the Natal Intensive Care Unit after birth. She was healthy but too early, so she needed a little help eating and staying warm. We couldn’t have visitors for the whole week because the H1N1 virus had just spread over the community forcing the NICU to only open its doors to necessary visitors, like us. It was hard to have my family and friends excluded from the experience, so we took a lot of photos to share on facebook. She had tubes to help feed her and an Isolette box to keep her warm. The nurses helped feed her while I painfully recovered from surgery back in my room. I came to the NICU as I could but I didn’t see her as much I’d expected to in the first few days. But, we tried as hard as we could to be in the room with her to change her premie diapers and take her temperature. I was so happy to see my “baby a” in person.

Molly at home with Claire (Me nursing Leah in the background)

Home life with Claire was cozy. Two small pack and plays were set-up next to my bed for the twins. I kept Claire and her sister on the same schedule of sleeping and feeding, most of the time. I stayed in my room taking care of the twins for 2 months. I am not sure where Peter slept or what happened to my other kids during that time. I was in a cocoon I guess.

Claire in her car seat

And out the cocoon, popped a bright-eyed healthy baby ready to go-go-go! I swear, Claire taught herself to crawl just so she could dump out the basket of DVDs and reach in to the dishwasher. She sucked her thumb at night with her taggie and eventually made it to the “big crib” in the kids’ bedroom.

Claire's 1st Birthday Cake Face

Claire was a good napper. She took two naps a day at 2 hours a pop. This gave me a much needed break in the day from all the toddler action. Claire loved sweets, peas, cottage cheese, bread and Crazy Bread. I took her to MOPS at local church twice a month.

Claire's first Easter Egg Hunt (in Leah's coat)

With time came confidence. CJ loved brushing her own teeth at bedtime, climbing into her own booster seat in the kitchen, and riding her own push car in the driveway.

Putting her 'feet up' at the beach

Her eyes are as bold as her will is strong. Her heart is not satisfied to conform, but seeks a humble uniqueness. She engages the World with a cautious spirit. She shows ownership in her blanket and taggie lovey and love to her dolls. She likes to set things in motion in her own way.

I call her CJ. She calls me Mom.

Love,

Jess

The Big Blur just hit me and it hit hard. Twin Parenting literature claims up to the first 2 years with multiples can be labeled The Big Blur. I am feeling teary-eyed over every hurdle in my day. It’s like I went to sleep in 2009 and just woke up to today. I don’t remember when the babies learned to walk or what they first had to eat.

I know we had fun, I was present in the everyday. I know I had tons of love for them on every level. But, yet I freaked out when I can’t place certain seasons of their life, or my life for that matter. I can’t even look at the photos from the NICU in the hospital without choking up to the point of serious swelling of the throat. I just flip over the photo for fear of an ‘ugly’ cry consuming my entire afternoon. You know the kind that causes headaches and feverish mascara streaks?  Yep. Feverish.

In a campaign to help me stitch together the last year or so, I will be going serious photo hunting and posting about things that happened. Just a few things that may help me heal.

Remember, what a powerful word.

Love,

Jess

The day started like any other day. Little did I know about the challenges that lay ahead.

A blur of breakfast dishes, playing, arguing, and Holiday crafts, led quickly into afternoon.

A dinner guest was to be expected in a few hours. I busied myself laying out Christmas towels in the bathroom and picking up my boy from school.

Somehow, the sun had set, and dinner was still in a pile of ingredients resembling groceries – not a meal. The lit outdoor Christmas lights were blaring at me as if to say, “Why didn’t you do a crock pot meal? Dinner is right around the corner!”

Molly decided to “help” me cook by emptying an entire sack of flour on my living room rug.

The babies managed to empty out Ryan’s desk drawers while I was cleaning the rug.

Ryan and Molly fought over something, in-which, the nativity scene fell over.

Okay. At this point, I’m yelling, “Everyone quiet! Stop it! What are you doing! Go to your room!”

Then, on my knees, patting the ground around my room and the hallway, I shout to the other room, “WHERE is baby JESUS?” I shouted it with a harsh tone. The kind of tone that curls your lips as you said it.

The moment was not lost on me. Where was baby Jesus? The small plastic mold of baby Jesus, I was so longing to find, was under my hamper. I gave myself a wry smile, shook my head and shed a tear. I had spent more time looking for a plastic mold version of Jesus than worshiping Him this season.

Vowing to refocus my energy, I set the nativity and vacuumed the flour.

Peter brought home Chinese take-out and our guest was gracious.

We said a prayer over our meal. We laughed over knock-knock jokes, fortune cookie predictions and noodle covered babies.

The day came to an end much as it has begun…pajamas and dishes. But, a little something had changed in my heart.

Love,

Jess

My days might look like this:

Clean clothes to fold (3 full loads per day)

Kids to direct (too many “get off your sister” and/or “stop yelling” directions to count)

Dishes to wash (2 dishwasher loads per day)

Outdoor toy sprawl (one garage stall space full)

Ah, yes. Diapers! (5-6 changes a day X 2)

But, my life looks like this:

My days are numbered but my soul will live on forever. – JEM

Things no one ever told me before I became a mom:

• I’d catch spit up with my bare hands.
• I’d wear a princess crown for more than 2 hours after dress up time was over.
• I’d learn how to clean melted red crayon out of my dryer.
• I’d laugh so much at my kids, I’d cry.
• I’d consider a well made grilled cheese sandwich one of life’s greatest accomplishments.
• I’d see my baby grow before my very eyes.
• I’d wonder what life would be like without kids.
• I’d feel my heart actually grow larger.
• I’d never be the same.

Love,

Jess

Age Snapshot:

Claire likes to giggle at Daddy’s “So Big” game, suck her thumb and twirl her hair.

Leah likes to watch the ceiling fan, snuggle with her taggie and suck her whole hand.

I love to stare into all those big eyes and smooch all those big cheeks! I am so blessed.

Love,

Jess

Onto the task before me…try to learn about the wisdom found in Proverbs 31, hands on.

Proverbs 31:14

¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.

photo credit: anthropologie

Like merchant ships she brings food from a far – basically grocery shopping.

Grocery shopping with 4 kids 5 and under!? Not. going. to. happen. Can you even image the scene? Cart wheels squeaking, breast milk leaking, children fighting, babies crying. Even on a good day, where would I put the food?

Enter online shopping

I am fortunate to have a local service in my community that provides pick-up or delivery service. The small fee I pay for having someone else shop the aisles for me and bring the food to my house, is worth every penny.

Shopping online provides the opportunity to watch my finances. I can easily “put back” items that have put my budget over. I can also stick to my list a lot better when I don’t have the chance to roam to the “other side” of Target. You know what I am talking about…holiday decor, clothes, clearance end caps and toys.

Add extra help

Even the thought of taking all the little ones (in this freezing weather) on a small trip to restock fresh foods or small items can really wear me down. I try to ask for help whenever I need some assistance. I love my friends and family!

The wisdom

Being wise is knowing when to push yourself and knowing when to set your limits. I set my sails to gather food, I just require a crew to help me navigate the way home.

Love,

Jess

I’ll be back with more grocery and meal planning adventures.

I steal every minute I can to be immersed in newborn heaven.

No sass. No crumbs. No toys.

Just baby goodness.

photo credit

My Birthday

I’d love to have some powerful words to express about the last 30 years or the next 30 years.

But really, right now I’m trying to get my almost 2 year old out of her Dad’s night stand (which stores all sorts of man treasures like M-80s, candy, watches, shoe laces, cologne, earplugs and video games)

&

trying to ignore the “Mom, I think there is a huge problem down here [in the living room], um…nevermind!”

So until my brilliant, thought provoking insights about life come tumbling out…I’ll be eating cupcakes!!!

Have a great weekend! I’ll be back next week, much older and wiser!

Love,

Messy Jessy