Just a BlinkProof Time Flies

Quiet

I holler at the kids; interrupt at dinner parties and chat up my mom friends at the park.

Still, I am feeling a vacant sort of quiet in my head.  The noise of my own thoughts seem too loud so I stop listening and keep on doing things anyway.

On auto-pilot and cruise control for parenting, working, family bonding, cleaning, enjoying, creating, worshiping. Until…I found this photo, in my archives, of an apple corer.

Change

A whole apple represents me. Blades of daily life split me apart; tearing pieces away from my very center. All that was left? Fleshy fruit waiting to brown with a pile of seeds standing alone.

Or so I thought.

In reality, I am an apple, willing to nourish and refresh others.

Even when bowls of mac-n-cheese spill over the highchair, or another opportunity for time with my husband gets side-tracked by much needed “to-do” work on the laptop, *cough* see above, I can give a section of hope to my loved ones.

When every slice of me is served up for the taking, I am still centered. God stands with me as the core of my strength.

When I my shiny, red exterior has been sectioned off by the mini-van hustle, job responsibilities, hyper kids, and unmet wants and desires. God provides seeds of regrowth, made just for me.

By Definition

The Lord stood at my side and gave me strength. {2 Timothy 4:1}

Yeah! Yes, Yes, So Wicked Awesome! I am doing the River Dance with a raise the roof (yes, I am that big of a dork) over here.

I finally did it! What, you ask?

• Did I finally finish my bathroom before & after? No.
• Did I have paint my junk dresser and install new hardware? Not exactly.
• Oh, I know! I have completed Baby Step #1 from Financial Peace University. Nope.
• Have I sent out the photo I owe to a dear Heart for Art winner, from ages & 1/2 ago? Wince. No.
• Okay, did I at least finish the dishes before blogging? ha-ha-ha, what? Certainly not.

What I did do today was way better than all of my to-do list combined. I did, stillness. I am not talking about meekness, studiousness, or even quietness. Just stillness, simple as can be.

Let me give you the background.

Today, both kids napped…at the same time. I always thought, that if such a day where to ever occur, I’d have miraculously delicious plans of solitude…with coffee, books, paint canvas, my camera, music, fireplace (duh, I don’t even have one of these), chocolate, or at the very least a glass of wine and a chance to empty the dishwasher, without someone crawling in it! Instead…a peaceful reflection.

photo credit Designs of Life

I Found Stillness Today by Jess McWilliams

I found stillness today, rather stillness found me

It found me just in time, for wintry shadows of a bright sunset to dance across my wall

I welcomed stillness in to stay; stillness warned the time will pass, so just sit and be

It stayed bundled with me, as I shared a dreamy slumber with my child of 4 years in all

I pleaded my busy heart to stillness; stillness remained quiet, so the moment I could plainly see

It asked me, though, how I’d been, for it had been awhile, since I’d seen my friend stillness call

I’ve been right here, in work and play, lonesome for you; stillness stood back and gave me a wind of warmth, much like a cup of tea

Wait stillness! I cried. Let me linger here with you. I could tell our time was through; the moon now growing tall

I held my dear little one with his awakening breaths, with gratitude for the joy I found today; stillness played it’s final note as it was meant to be

Scrape, sludge, slop.

The wallpaper border in the bathroom officially bit the dust. Nike’s famous slogan, Just Do It, penetrated my mind. After 3 years of having a “when I get to it” attitude I finally, Just Did It. I used a mini-spatula from a camp cook stove, a washcloth, and steam from the shower as aids in the border removal task.

I pushed away the guilt for letting Molly cry after waking up too early during nap time (all the while convincing myself that I am letting her build character) and for letting Ryan play computer games unsupervised. I lost myself in thought somewhere between my sweat becoming indistinguishable from the wallpaper adhesive and my shoulders shaking from overuse.

Note to self: do not do the push-up challenge endurance test the night before removing wallpaper.

I smiled at God in gratitude for the quiet I found while I worked. I scraped and slopped prayerfully, tearing up as I used my hands for such a minimal chore. I remembered that I am fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God. He is the Great Restorer. He wrote upon my heart to be a restorer too. In the simple act of removing a wallpaper border I was in union with the Spirit.

I will be the first one to “roll my eyes” at over-spiritualism. However, I do want to share about the times in my life that have brought me closer to God. I am slowly finding pieces of me as I learn to view myself as God views me.

How does God view you? You were made in His image too. What are you reflecting? Encourager? Father? Creator? Forgiver? Lover? Find something that you can do that reflects what God has written on your heart. You will not regret it.

And yes, both Molly and Ryan fell back asleep, eventually.

The During. An important phase in the process of Before and After.