Less labor force = More income

I am not outraged at companies creating income. Capitalism and “Big” anything don’t annoy me. What annoys me is the automated processes themselves. Now, I have come to except and use ATMs without hassle. I have used the self-checkouts a number of times, each time with a less-than-seamless experience. I have used automated voice teleprompts more times than I would have ever wanted.

Here is how a recent phone call to our unnamed health insurance company unraveled:

Automated “Employee” (AE): Hi and Thank you for calling So-and-So insurance company and affiliates.  Please say your subscriber ID.

Me: Blah-XYZ-Blah-123 (with eye roll). <I just found out that companies have you enter this information just to make you feel like you are making progress during the wait time and to ensure that you have your information at hand for them later. Ever wonder why they ask you for you information AGAIN when a real human picks up the line? The first time does absolutely nothing.>

AE: Are you calling about mental health or substance abuse?

Me: (nothing said here) I am still waiting for a number to push for yes or no

AE: I’m sorry I didn’t hear you.

Me: No. Followed by a short pause. No No! Molly get out of the dishwasher!

AE: Please try again. Are you calling about mental health or substance abuse? Please say yes or no.

Me: No. Followed by a shorter pause. M-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-M (the extra long version of Mom) did you see my trick, I can fly like an airplane!

AE: Please respond with a Yes or No so I can fully understand your response.

Me: No. Immediately followed by a Whiinnnnne from Molly for graham crackers and me saying “Just I second I’m almost done”.

AE: I am sorry please call back. I am not able to understand you at this time. click…

Hey, I can see user error all over this story but whatever happened to customer service? I miss customer service. I tried the call again and was put on hold for 10 minutes 56 seconds. Of course I had to tell her my subscriber ID again! No big deal though, she said if I log on to So-and-So insurance company’s website I could find the answer to my question. Oye!